Lost and Found: The Night Before

In which young and hot Keanu Reeves accidentally sells young and hot Lori Loughlin to a pimp! Also in which young and hot Lori Loughlin is chained to a bed in nothing but her sexy prom night bra and panties!

Suburban high school astronomy club nerd Winston (Keanu Reeves) wakes up in East LA late at night, and he can’t remember how he got there. Thus begins Winston’s “one wild night” adventure through nighttime Los Angeles, as he tries to piece together his fractured memories and save the prom date he accidentally sold to a pimp! Hey, we’ve all been there, right?

1988’s The Night Before is a such a blast. Directed by Thom Eberhardt—who also directed one of my favorite movies of all time, Night of the Comet, which also qualifies as a “one wild night” film—and starring a baby-faced Keanu Reeves and a stunningly beautiful Lori Loughlin, it’s irreverent charm makes for a fun watch. Reeves and Loughlin play suburban California kids whose trip to the prom goes off the rails when they get lost in the big city, and they wind up in one hot mess after another.

The hijinks are deliberately, delightfully wacky. Reeves accidentally sells Loughlin to a pimp! He turns comedic action star to rescue her! Loughlin loses her prom gown to a prostitute and, wearing only her elegant Galleria-purchased prom night underwear (because this is an eighties teen movie, after all), gets handcuffed to a dilapidated bed in a sleazy motel room!

Look, it’s impossible to overstate just how outrageously, astonishingly, stupendously, smoking-fucking-hot Lori Loughlin is in this movie. As spoiled rich girl Tara, who lost a bet with a friend and has to take the unpopular dork Winston to the prom, she’s like the sort of perfect high school goddesses who roamed the halls of my school, never to be talked to by inferior human beings such as myself. I’m talking otherworldly beauty, folks. Not only is she a total smokeshow, Loughlin’s also handles the silly comedy with aplomb. Her eye rolls and shocked expressions always match the film’s over the top comedic tone.

Just a year away from Bill & Ted’s Excellent Adventure and true stardom, Reeves is charming as all hell as the goofy astronomy club president and unlikely prom date to Loughlin’s stuck-up popular girl. Clearly, we’re supposed to ignore Reeve’s once-in-a-lifetime handsomeness and pretend Loughlin hasn’t noticed either. Reeves has such an undeniably warm screen presence here that it’s no surprise he went on to become the internet’s favorite boyfriend. For her part, Loughlin—who also joined the cast of Full House in ‘88—only gets better as the movie gets more absurd. She’s laugh-out-loud funny in the madcap final act. Theresa Saldana adds support as the hooker with a heart of gold Rhonda, who’s clearly a little sweet on Winston, plus plenty of other character actors pop up throughout, including the late, great Trinidad Silva as gang leader Tito.

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The Night Before is available to stream on Tubi. I don’t think it’s ever gotten a hi-def upgrade, which is a bummer, because the goddess Lori Loughlin deserves to be seen in high definition. Here’s hoping for a hi-def physical media release, sooner than later.

As for the goddess Lori Loughlin…well sure, there was the college admissions scandal a few years ago, but she paid her dues and did two months jail time. Hottest convict ever, amirite? Beyond that, she continues to be the goddess Lori Loughlin today, showing no signs of relinquishing her deityhood.