From the Vault: Killer Workout

This post originally appeared at my old blog in slightly different form. Interestingly, while it’s being slotted into the “From the Vault” series, it could just as easily be cross-listed in “Lost and Found” or “Retro Fitness Babes.”

Killer Workout (1987), also known as Aerobicide, is often considered a fairly unremarkable entry from the last-gasp, dying days of both our beloved ‘80s slasher craze and our beloved ‘80s fitness craze. The film’s plot is straightforward enough: a mysterious killer is using a large safety pin to murder people at a posh Hollywood health spa. I mean, if that isn’t remarkable, I don’t know what is. Things happen, people work out, people get killed, more people work out, more people get killed, rinse and repeat.

While the film’s plot might be simple, the final act throws in a bunch of shocker twists, none of which make a lick of sense. The acting throughout is mostly forgettable, except when star Marcia Karr glares menacingly at everyone, which she does in almost every scene. She’s glorious as Rhonda, owner of the aptly named Rhonda’s Workout. There are also some laughably silly fight scenes between big burly dudes with mullets. The kill scenes are quick and dirty, nothing too memorable.

If this all sounds like I’m telling you Killer Workout isn’t worth your time, that is so not the case. It is most definitely worth a watch (or several), especially if you like to laugh out loud at hilariously over the top late-period slasher movie nonsense like I do. How can you not love lines like, “Just teach the class and stop showing off your tits and your tight little ass!” Or this gem: “Tell that college boy that if he doesn’t have that report ready in thirty minutes, I’m going to go over there and do an autopsy on his face! You got that?”

I’m realizing now that I’ve buried the lede a bit here. While there are plenty of kills and jump scares, the film’s main intent seems to be to fill as much of its running time as possible with gratuitous shots of crazy-fit, thong-leotard-wearing babes thrusting their toned butts and heaving their bursting bosoms. You see, the aerobics scenes act as framing devices around the rest of the film’s action. After jump scares or kill shots, Killer Workout inevitably cuts to very long scenes of women doing aerobics while the camera lingers like a drooling peeping tom on their aerobicized asses, bodacious bosoms, and sculpted stems. We the audience are then meant to follow suit, ogling to our hearts’ content.

Honestly, instead of wasting all these words, I should’ve just used GIFs and videos to do this review. In the case of Killer Workout, they definitely speak louder than words! So, I’ll shut my yap now. Here are the main reasons why this film will always be a late-night cult favorite. It’s on Tubi, of course, so have at it.