Hot Shots of the Week: Kelly Bounces Back

The night of October 28, 1990 was a night when unexpected greatness touched many of our lives. You see, that was the night of a momentous television event for young, impressionable Gen Xers like myself. Boomers might remember where they were when man touched down on the moon, but my generation can tell you exactly where we were and how we lost our ever-loving minds watching Christina Applegate beat the crap out of Tia Carrere.

As the IMDb episode description says, “Now an aspiring model, Kelly invents a maneuver called ‘The Bundy Bounce’ for her first audition as spokesperson for the new Allente car. But Bud’s big mouth gives the idea to another model, so Kelly must take things into her own hands and remove the competition.”

That competition comes in the shapely form of sultry brunette bombshell Piper, played by sultry brunette bombshell Tia Carrere, who was one of the Uber Babes of the early nineties. Of course, Ms. Applegate was also a high-ranking member of the Uber Babes club—and a massive personal crush of mine—so watching the two of them in this battle royale was akin to witnessing Joe Frazier vs. Muhammad Ali at Madison Square Garden. Unlike that Frazier-Ali though, this one was a lopsided affair, with Christina/Kelly positively decimating Tia/Piper. After absorbing repeated right hooks to the jaw, Piper is spun around like a ragdoll before Kelly lays into her with an absolutely devastating knockout punch that sends buxom brunette flying out of frame.

Tia sure takes a whooping but looks like a champ doing it! In one of the shortest, tightest black dresses we’ve ever seen, the leggy babe looks nothing short of luscious as she takes one punch after another to that beautiful kisser of hers. Meanwhile, Gen X crush extraordinaire Kelly also looks good enough to eat in a similarly skintight, micro-mini dress. She’s a drop-dead gorgeous assassin out there, a sexy juggernaut against which the pulchritudinous Piper stands no chance.

Legitimately, this episode is one of the greatest moments in the history of western civilization. It’s also Exhibit A for why we Gen Xers will always love the ultimate badass babe of our youth, Kelly Bundy.