Every now and then we like to break from our usual nostalgia-tinged coverage of classic Michelle Pfeiffer films, horror and exploitation cinema, and random images of beautiful people in order to comment on the news of the day. And today, folks, we have a hard-hitting news story that has rocked the world. Yes, we’re talking about Sydney Sweeney’s new lingerie brand.
Just check out these headlines:
Sydney Sweeney stops traffic in bra and thong from new lingerie brand Syrn
Sydney Sweeney takes to the streets of LA wearing nothing but lingerie
Sydney Sweeney sends fans in a frenzy with sultry lingerie snaps for her new brand
Lingerie-induced traffic jams and frenzied fans can’t lie: Sydney Sweeney is news, dammit, and we’re here to report it, because the world deserves the truth!
Sydney’s new line of lingerie includes the “Seduction Bra” and the “String You Along Thong.” We kind of love those names. Well done, busty young starlet, well done. *slow clap*
Sydney’s appeared at the Lounge before and, no surprise, she was in lingerie and thigh high stockings then, too. It’s sort of her thing. When we think of Sydney Sweeney, we don’t think of her movie or television roles because, let’s be real, she’s photographed in lingerie a lot, so it makes total sense that she’s started her own intimates brand. Sweeney’s ascension to sex bomb, lingerie queen status also makes total sense when you look at the facts:
Facts don’t lie. Now, do we really care about Sydney Sweeney or her branding bonanza? Nope, but do we appreciate Sydney Sweeney in lingerie popping up in our news feeds? Yes, we very much do. You see, you have to ask the right questions.
That’s today’s rundown of the news of the world. What else is there to say? Surely there’s nothing more momentous going on these days than Sydney Sweeney’s epic rack, right? Nah, can’t be.*
* Sigh. If only this were true.
The Starfire Lounge 