Coffee, ADHD, and Me

As a friend of mine said recently, decaffeinated coffee is really just brown water. For hardcore coffee lovers like him, and like me, that’s real talk. I know, many of you can’t drink coffee after dinner unless it’s decaf. Otherwise you’ll be tossing and turning in bed all night. Caffeine does this to most people, it seems.

Then there’s me. I can drink caffeinated coffee in the afternoon and sleep fine that night. I can savor a cup or two after dinner with dessert and sleep like s baby. I guess it’s my superpower. Or part of it, anyway. Caffeine doesn’t really wind me up. It evens me out, takes the edge off. It soothes me. It also talks to me in the voice of Margot Robbie as Harley Quinn—wait, what?

Anyway, for years I had no idea this superpower likely derives from another mutant ability I live with: attention-deficit/hyperactivity disorder, or, ADHD. I had a sneaking suspicion for about a decade that I’d been living with undiagnosed ADHD since I was at least a teenager, and likely farther back too. Once I was diagnosed with mild ADHD by two different healthcare professionals, everything started to make so much more sense. It was like a curtain rising to reveal the sunshine, after having been in a dark room for ages. This was why I struggled sometimes with school and paying attention in class. This is why I start multiple projects—writing, art, you name it—in a burst of creativity, and then have trouble completing any of them. This is why I lose focus.

The diagnosis gave me permission to stop being so hard on myself and change my narrative. People with ADHD are often called “lazy,” or told they aren’t “applying themselves enough” in school or at work. Turns out, that’s false. Turns out, my brain just works differently than teachers or coworkers I’ve known and apparently frustrated over the years. Turns out I’m not just a slacker; I just have a neurodevelopmental disorder that causes executive dysfunction, which disrupts the regulation of moods, emotions, and brain cell connections.

Sounds wild, huh? It’s better than being perceived as lazy, I can attest to that.

It’s been well over a year now since my diagnosis and while I took medication for the first few months, I’ve largely been learning to live with ADHD without meds for the last eight or nine months. Through trial and error, I’m learning ways to manage life with ADHD, to be a father, son, husband, friend, colleague, writer, artist, etc. It’s been a challenging but rewarding journey so far, like meeting myself again, but for the first time.

All of this brings me back to what I started this post about: coffee. You see, coffee can sometimes—not always, and not for everyone—affect an ADHD brain differently. Instead of feeling jacked up and hyper after drinking coffee, I feel calm and better able to focus my thoughts and energies. Hyperactivity isn’t really a part of my ADHD; mine is more about the inattentive component. So, what I’ve discovered is that coffee helps me to feel less scattered and disorganized; instead it helps me feel more present and attentive.

I should note that research on how coffee affects people with ADHD is inconclusive. For me though, it’s always seemed pretty darn conclusive: coffee helps me better harness my superpower in (mostly) productive ways.

So, while I understand the need for decaf in some people’s lives, I’ll thank you to keep that swill out of my Elvira Hancock coffee mug, okay?