Cleaning out the Archives

This is Yvette, the trusted maid here at the Starfire Lounge. She’s busy cleaning out the massive backlog of draft posts that have accumulated deep in the archives.

By the way, that’s Yvette’s own outfit. Back when we hired her, we said jeans and a t-shirt would be just fine. She’s a real French minx though, and a big Gil Elvgren fan, so when she showed up for her first day of work in this pinup-ready ensemble, we knew we’d made the right hire. Turns out she’s great at the job too, so it’s a win-win all around!

So, Yvette’s been knee-deep in this project recently, and we’re beyond grateful. It’s backbreaking work, sifting through dusty piles of more than 100 half-formed (if formed at all) and largely forgotten drafts, many of which have been left untouched for months, even years. They stand as a testament to my penchant for coming up with a lot of ideas and only executing about half of them. Poor Yvette’s already gone through several feather dusters and countless pairs of ripped stockings just trying to clean and organize the chaos. Some drafts are in good shape and could be published soon, while others are basically a thought that came like a thunderbolt and never expounded on beyond a title, or a first sentence. Yvette loves a good challenge though, so she’s hard at work—and we’re hardly working while we watch her work—organizing drafts into “finish this,” “consider finishing this,” and “definitely trash this” piles for our review.

So far we’ve been in total agreement with Yvette’s sorting decisions. No surprise there, as she’s smarter than any of us, and by quite a bit, too. She studied Russian literature, existential philosophy, and economics at university. She did her thesis on Heidegger’s Being and Time. When she’s not crawling around in tight spaces down in the Lounge archives—we owe you another new pair of stockings, Yvette!—she’s working as the publications editor for the prestigious French Maid Society. Did we mention Yvette also speaks six languages, worked alongside other top economists at the International Monetary Fund, spent a few years as a globe-trotting spy, and can whip up a mean cassoulet? Why on earth she chooses to work here is a mystery, but some mysteries are best left unsolved.

We could go on about Yvette all day—and most days we do—but in terms of the drafts she’s dusting off, I thought it might be fun to mention just a few of them here. I’m also including Yvette’s comments, because oftentimes she’s far more insightful than the rest of the Lounge staff, yours truly included.

Lost and Found: Night of the Juggler

First of all, there are a bunch of “Lost and Found” drafts just waiting for my attention. I won’t list them all here, but I will say that the Night of the Juggler draft is in pretty decent shape. In theory, it could be posted after just a little more work. I grew up watching this movie on cable, thanks to my beloved WPIX-11, and the over the years realized it’s completely fallen off the face of the earth. No DVD, certainly no Blu-ray, and never streaming anywhere, except in terrible audio/visual quality on YouTube. That’s where I’ve rewatched it a few times in recent years and, my god, even viewing that terrible VHS rip, it’s still as exhilarating as ever. A damn-near perfect time capsule of New York City in 1980, too. Plus, Josh Brolin’s hair and beard are EPIC.

Yvette: Mais oui, monsieur!* Ze movie is magnifique and—incroyable!—has never been released on ze DVD! Mon dieu! Aussi, Monsieur Brolin’s beard is très sexy.

*We keep telling her she doesn’t need to call us “monsieur,” but she’s a proper French Maid, so who are we to argue?

Hey Kids, Comics—Onscreen!

I was watching a terrific, unsung neo-noir a while back called The Hot Spot (1990). During one scene in a convenient store Jennifer Connelly stands in front of a rack of comic books. Issues of Uncanny X-Men, Avengers, and Quasar can be spotted just over Ms. Connelly’s left shoulder. It’s weird, I know, but I love when period-specific comics appear in movies or television. It’s a groovy, nostalgic trip back in time to my own youthful comic book buying days. In this case, it also features Jennifer Freakin’ Connelly looking ravishing in front of a bunch of comic books, which is basically my 1990 fantasy come true. So, my thought here is to add some other screen captures of movies and TV shows where comic books pop up in the background, or are even being read by characters in the foreground! A fluffy post, for sure, but fun. One of these days, I’ll get back to it. And now I’m realizing I should also write a “Lost and Found” post on The Hot Spot. See, this is how I end up with 100+ drafts!

Yvette: Ooh, we both love ze comic books! In fact, I am reading a collection of Jean-Claude Forest’s Barbarella as we speak. It is giving me fashion ideas. Zis post is most definitely a keeper, monsieur.

Bad Girls We Love: Ingrid Magnussen in White Oleander

This is just serving as a placeholder and reminder that, at some point, I need to induct Ingrid Magnussen into the Bad Girls Club here at the Lounge. Michelle Pfeiffer’s performance in White Oleander as the morally challenged Ingrid is about as against-type as she’s played, and she’s spectacular.

Yvette: C’est bon. Zere is no Starfire Lounge wizout La Pfeiffer, so you have my seal of approval, monsieur. Now, listen carefully, and this applies to all of your squandered writing projects: Dépêche-toi!

Texas Chainsaws / Werewolves in Their Youth (both working titles)

These drafts were started around late 2022, early 2023. One focuses on the Texas Chainsaw Massacre movies, while the other looks at the Year of the Werewolf (which is probably a better title, now that I think about it), 1981, when The Howling, An American Werewolf in London, and Wolfen all came out. I’ve since written about Wolfen for Cinema of the ’80s magazine, but I’d still like to flesh out both of these posts, somehow. They each got a bit unwieldy and unfocused as I wrote more and more. I set them aside about a year ago and haven’t looked since. They would require some concentration I haven’t had in a while now. Yvette recently read them though, and, as always, she has opinions.

Yvette: Zese two posts have potential, monsieur. But zey are too unfocused. Stop fiddling about, buckle down, and write like ze writer I know you to be. All of zis time wasted on internet searches for Monica Bellucci photographs could be better spent honing ze skills you are carelessly wasting. Sometimes, you need ze tough love, and I am here to give you exactly zat, monsieur!

Various “Hot Shots of the Week” drafts

What is there to say? I’ve started some drafts for future “Hot Shots” posts and, as per usual, they’re hot!

Yvette: You zee? Zis is what I am talking about, monsieur! Ze sexy photos have a time and a place, but you must write, too! Look at me, I take sexy selfies all day at work for my OnlyFans, but I monetize it, monsieur! You just make ze silly posts! Zis is a bigger problem than just unfinished drafts, monsieur. You need a business manager and, you’re in luck, I am ze best business manager you will find.

[Indistinct question from moi]

Quoi? [rolls eyes] Oui, oui, calmez-vous, I will wear ze French Maid outfit while doing ze business managing, monsieur. [heavy sigh]