Putting Rihanna to Work

With our fabulous French maid and all-around Gal Friday Yvette taking some much-deserved time off for a few weeks, we’re fortunate to have one helluva pinch hitter at the French maid position. Ladies and germs, please welcome none other than pop culture superstar Rihanna! How, you ask, did we convince a woman reportedly worth over a billion dollars to trade in her umbrella-ella-ella for a feather duster and slum it crawling around the vault, putting massive runs in her immaculate white stockings, and generally being our extremely sexy gopher for two weeks? Well, long ago, before she was a STAR, Rihanna once sang at the Starfire Lounge. She was an unknown then, but her masterful stage presence was obvious to all in attendance that night. So, she’s simply paying us back for that early career booking when very few were giving her the time of day. Frankly, we’re touched.

Okay, enough sentimentality. There’s work aplenty to be done around here. Rihanna, those old, half-written drafts won’t find themselves. That laundry won’t pick itself up from the dry cleaners. That espresso roast won’t brew itself. Those high and low bookshelves won’t dust themselves. That paperwork won’t file itself. That clog in the kitchen sink won’t unclog itself. Those bald tires on our old jalopy out back won’t replace themselves. So, get to work, Temp Gal Friday! And thanks for helping us out in a pinch.

Before you ask, yes, we did try to coax Rihanna into a performance or two while she’s filling in for Yvette. Understandably, shaking her moneymaker onstage requires an obscenely large amount of money which we could never dream of having. But if you stop by any night over the next few weeks, you’ll likely catch a glimpse of Rihanna hard at work. Come on by and enjoy the view while it lasts.

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Yvette: Ze only woman good enough to replace me for ze two weeks I ski ze Swiss Alps and get wined and dined by diplomats and aristocrats across the globe is a billionaire superstar performer of stage and screen? Oui, sounds about right.